Hey, My Eyebrows are Ugly - and Other Hazards of Growing Old

"Hey, My Eyebrows Are Ugly - and Other Hazards of Growing Old" is a 15,000 word humorous view of the modern world as seen by a seventy year-old grumpy geezer - me. Age brings with it the realization that some things are beyond our control,important things, like the hair that grows above our eyes, the healthcare system, the idiots we are forced to share the road with, what kind of music other people listen to, just to name a few. These are some of the topics I discuss in "Eyebrows."

It seems everybody has a voice today: fat people, skinny people, ugly people, pretty people. A large part of the population, senior citizens, often have no voice. We deserve to be heard. It is important for the world to know why we get annoyed at people who hold up the line at the supermarket checkout, or get pissed off when doctors send us for endless tests only to decide that there was nothing wrong in the first place except that we are old. Thanks doc! I knew I was old when I came in here, and I didn't get any younger sitting in your office for two hours waiting for the five minutes of your time that you are going to so kindly spare me. Pardon me, sometimes this stuff just pops out. Anyway, this book is a collection of things that piss me off. Others, and not just other oldies like myself, might get a chuckle or two from it. Thanks for your time.

I feel I am uniquely suited to write a book about a senior citizen's view of the world

because I am, in fact, a senior citizen. (No great accomplishment there, I just managed

to live long enough to collect social security.)

I have previously written an unauthorized autobiography, but since it details how I found

cures for several heretofore untreatable diseases, developed a rocket that travels faster than light, and brought about peace in the Middle East, I thought perhaps I should first learn to program my coffeemaker before making more grandiose claims.

I have been happily married for six years (fifty in total, but six of them have been fairly happy). I have two children, one out of the house, the other one stubbornly hanging on and refusing to move out. Well, maybe one day, who knows, miracles do happen, don't they?

I wrote this book to get a few pet peeves off my chest, then I figured maybe other people might feel the same and get a kick out of seeing their own bitching and moaning transferred to print. Anyway, that's what I think. I imagine you might see things differently. I understand, go ahead and send out that rejection notice even though you're dashing the lifelong hopes and dreams of an old man and cancer survivor. No really, go ahead. No hard feelings. Right? Of course not. Just remember though, it won''t be too long before I move on over to the next world. I don't know what's there, but if there is any way to come back and haunt the ones left behind, I will find it. Guess whose name is going to be on that list? Just kidding. Well, maybe. Thanks for your time and have a great day - until we meet again?